wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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