Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
