Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
