True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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