So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
