She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
