I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
