Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
