He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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