I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
