But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
