great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
