You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
