both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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