Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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