It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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