Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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