PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
