I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
