I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
