Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
