I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
