id be glad to
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
