She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
