i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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