I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize