I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
