I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's like heaven, but drunker
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
