whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize