My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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