i may or may not be watching the land before time
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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