God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
