There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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