i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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