look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
