Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize