**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
