you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You don't make any sense
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