Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your penis caused this!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
