i love accidental penises.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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