Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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