worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
