the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
