I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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