Jerry, you need to find god
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are we still banned from the library?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
