That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
