Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
