Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
