I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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