I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
