I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
