it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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