Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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