Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
