If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
