And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There r osticjed everywhere
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
