My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
