Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
