I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
