She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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