Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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