Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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