ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I could fuck to npr.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
