Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
