i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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