the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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