Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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