There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
