I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
