i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You're like the curious george of whores
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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